WASHINGTON (AP) The controversial company that brought you Zom-Mbalm, the popular formaldehyde-based injection for prolonging the lifespan of your zombie, has developed a new product that simulates real zombie behavior when taken orally. And they have packaged it as, what some critics are condemning as outrageous and misleading, chewing gum. Anti-zombie activists are also claiming the chewing gum packaging targets children and promotes careless, misguided behavior among youths.

And then there are the natural fears of parents.

“We don’t want our children turning into real zombies,” says one parent at a demonstration outside of Zombeez’s corporate headquarters. “How do we know this stuff isn’t addictive? It’s a reckless move by a company interested in only profit.”

“It can’t be safe. It’s bad enough they want to domesticate those dreadful things, now they want to turn our children into zombies,” says another mother.

“It’s un-American,” voiced an angry father.

Zombeez Zomberry™ chewing gum temporarily transforms individuals into real zombies through a chemical reaction with saliva. The FDA, who gave approval for the gum early last week, has declined to comment on whether or not the chewing gum has addictive properties.

A spokesperson for Zombeez says there is no evidence to support any such speculation. “Zomberry has been tested over and over again on people of varying age groups and no one has ever become addicted. It’s ludicrous to speculate.”

Zomberry™ delivers a startling, zombie-like effect to the user. It is currently available over the counter in Europe and the US. The main controversy over the gum is that there are no warning labels on the packaging indicating if there are any dangers involved with prolonged use.

Despite concerns, the folks at Zombeez are enthusiastic about their product and are pushing it into as many markets as possible worldwide, seemingly without regard to personal safety.

“Shoot, people always want to bash something they don’t understand. How is this different from all them energy drinks out there that destroys your kidneys and your liver? This stuff don’t mess with those things. It messes with your brains. That ain’t as bad,” commented a Zombeez employee who spoke on condition of anonymity.

taken from the Zomberry™ commercial.

“It’s really an exciting discovery,” says one of the developing scientists. “For about one minute a person can experience what it is to be a real zombie. It’s not related at all to the zombie plague so there’s no threat of contagion. Once the effect wears off, the individual returns to normal.”

Each piece of gum contains about 200 mg of a neural accelerator that targets the violent impulses in the brain. “In a way, we’ve blocked the brain from absorbing serotonin. This produces an amazing effect like real zombies, minus the hunger for flesh and brains part of the equation,” joked the scientist.

“You have to take into consideration that we’ve had some very inquisitive clients who, after trying it, all agree that Zomberry is a harmless candy,” says Zombeez CEO. “You may recall the segments we did early last year before we received approval from the FDA. We went on several national talk shows and some of the hosts tried Zomberry chewing gum and they had a great time with it. It was a riot to say the least.”

Whether you agree or not, Zomberry™ is here to stay, for now. Various policies exist as to the OTC accessibility of the chewing gum as some state officials are undecided as to how to classify the gum. And while each state in the US has its own laws for zombie domestication it is unclear how Zomberry fits, if at all, into any category. Until a decision is reached, for now at least, your children can play at being real zombies without concern.

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