Now You Can Prolong The Lifespan of Your Zombie

Tired of getting your zombie well trained just before the final stage of decomposition? Well now you can add years to your zombie’s lifespan with a practice that’s been applied for decades!

Embalming!

Introducing Zom-Mbalm!

It’s no secret that zombies only live for a few years. And that can make for a frustrating period of training with short-lived results. Now you can increase the life expectancy of your zombie with new over-the-counter Zom-Mbalm: an embalming fluid injection kit. The best thing is it’s a one-time purchase!

The rate of decay in a zombie is greatly affected by its environment; temperature, humidity levels and so on. And if these levels aren’t optimal you could lose your zombie in less time than expected. In tropical regions where the temperature and humidity are high, a zombie may only last a few days at best.

Ironically, as a zombie feeds to sustain its life, it is being fed upon by bacteria and mold which increases the rate of decay. Embalming fluid prevents the growth of both mold and bacteria allowing you several enjoyable years with your zombie. Embalming also delays the onset of the putrefaction smell zombies acquire as they decompose. Anyone who has owned a zombie already knows the powerful stench that comes with rapid decay.

Formaldehyde is the answer!

Formaldehyde is an important chemical used widely by industry to manufacture building materials and numerous household products. It is also a by-product of combustion and certain other natural processes. Being a natural product you know it is environmentally safe and the best part is it’s only slightly toxic.

Sources of formaldehyde include building materials, cigarettes, household products and the use of un-vented, fuel-burning appliances like gas stoves or kerosene space heaters. Formaldehyde by itself or in combination with other chemicals serves a number of purposes in manufactured products. For example, it is used to add permanent-press qualities to clothing and draperies, as a component of glues and adhesives, and as a preservative in some paints and coating products. So you can see how it could be beneficial to your zombie’s lifespan.

It doesn’t matter which stage of decomposition your zombie is in, a one-time formaldehyde injection of Zom-Mbalm will bolster your zombie’s staying power for years to come. No more premature limb loss. No more burning eyes from oozing ammonia compounds. No more permeating stench. Your neighbors will love you!

Now in three new scents:

• Tropical Balm
• Lemon Blast
• and New Car Smell

Warning: Formaldehyde can be toxic, allergenic and carcinogenic. Please use with caution. Results determining the lifespan of your zombie may vary.